2013

I've been in distances from others for quite some time. I myself put myself in the corner, off and away. I have this fight within my heart since the day it was broke, cold and hard. Psychologically I was hurt and angry. I tried to fix mine and heal my heart on my own, but I guess I haven't made it. I thought I can do it alone but, the alienation I committed myself into, just burn and breaking it even more. I felt I didn't deserve a company or happiness from others, I've been eaten by my own guilts, I've been killing myself. Then I came to conclusion that I can't stay this way, what will I become? Torturing myself along? I need to build back my life. I don't want to keep ceasing and fading, I can only really admit it just now, I've been wasting my time and chances. I left it all in 2012, just very now I realized, I can't always live alone, enough for me to beat myself up. Happy New Year 2013.

Added at 4 January 2013
I don't know why I feel like that post is not honest enough, if I was to be more honest, I'd sound way so weak, I was already sounded weak and whining. But, well, I think it came out from what I really felt deep inside. And I guess just every human being has their weakness. That one up there sound common didn't it? A feeling of numbness, that almost everyone could feel. I think it's okay to admit our weakness sometimes, it's okay to whine, to be weak, it's okay. I think that's one chance, one point where we can realize our human being, and to not becoming too prideful to admit that, we do mistakes, and sometimes we are just sucks. Time when we need to learn again how to love ourselves again, or to make us love ourselves again, in new ways, different ways. Like us and ourselves are two different persons that each of their respect and love are to be gained.